Fathers? Absent. Teachers? Present.

The problem with holidays is one has time to scheme. The day-to-day pressures of working and upholding a work persona mean that when one’s time is one’s own and the inbox is ignored and the work persona shelved: new, interesting, ambitious and creative projects come to the fore. Currently, the ambitious and creative project hamster which spins the wheel in the back of my head and occasionally and loudly nibbles on toilet roll is what I would do for a PhD. More often than not, the rustlings and nibbling’s of project hamster are drowned out by the bellows of students and vicissitudes of everyday life. Like I say, that’s the problem with holidays.

Men are a problem. I would confidently claim that in a substantial amount of a child protection social worker’s case load the bulk of the load is caused by a man: a man who is absent causes problems; a man who is present causes problems. They’re just problematical. Problematic men in a child’s life within a child protection context would be fairly obvious – risk of abuse. However, their absence from a child’s life can place significant strain on the normative parenting workload of a single parent. Furthermore, the lack of a good role model can also be detrimental to a child’s sense of identity and esteem. However, not all male parenting figure’s absences are linked to child protection. Oftentimes, the nature of a significant male role model’s absence in a child’s life is simply due to expectations and pressures of work, and within the context of international schools – the earning divide. This is especially felt in countries where the wife (though not exclusively) or ‘accompanying spouse’ can’t get a work visa which places the ‘breadwinner’ burden firmly on the male side. The reality for a lot of hard-working and loving fathers is that their ‘problematic’ absence is not due to maleficence, but simply work commitment. Another significant variable, especially for expat families, is the lack of a family support network. All put simply, in my experience in international schools, dads are away a lot. I know this because the children tell me. And they tell me that whilst they understand why their dads are away…they miss them.

Parenting can be problematic. And in child protection social work it can become unsafe and concerning. When child protection social workers are faced with overwhelming evidence that a child is at risk of significant harm, they can use legal powers or ‘Care Orders’ to remove that child from the home (often temporarily, sometimes permanently). During that period of separation and before any final court orders around adoption happen, the biological parents retain their legal status of ‘parent’ and all the responsibilities therein, however the local authority is given a new epithet: Corporate Parent. Now, I like the phrase ‘corporate parent’. That said, I understand the grind between something as innately caring and purposeful as ‘parent’ and something as myopic, calculative and materialistic as ‘corporate’. However, parenting can be a hot boiling mix of values, ethics and psychology that could benefit from the cubed iced drops of policy, procedure and measurable outcomes. What I liked most about the phrase ‘corporate parent’ during my time as a social worker is it separated me from the role. When I was working with a child, I could exhibit the unconditional regard for safety and the intuitive show of compassion and care linked inextricably with good parenting but had that corporate parent embossed tempered glass panel between us that allowed me to make rationale and evidenced based decisions for what was best – unfettered by any ‘loving obligation’.

Well, that was theory. In practice it was incredibly hard – especially when the ‘Body Corporate Parent’ (senior leadership) insisted on decisions that either made no sense or clearly didn’t know the child. However, I digress.

Can I say, the hamster in my head is feeling the love right now? I am metaphorically cleaning out the cage, refilling the water and putting a few treats in the bowl here. To be honest, it was beginning to smell a little bit.

The PhD idea? I am essentially talking about non-dangerous absent fathers and the role of the corporate parent – in this case ‘teacher’ and more specifically: ‘male primary school teacher’. Where am I going with this within an international school context and what does this have to do with a PhD? It would be my view that male primary school teachers have a corporate parenting role to play in their student’s lives within certain specific contexts. I would almost go as far as an ‘obligation’ to do so (if I was feeling more controversial) And whilst there are professional, ethical, and sociological issues with this claim (and that I would be made to refute) ultimately, teachers do share the parenting load; they do have a legal duty of care anyways and, because of the problem of men – male teachers should be prepared to pick up the extra heavy lifting in certain contexts as a corporate parent.

Cage is clean, hamster is happy. I’ve made a lot of claims here about fathers and family demographics in an international school setting – but I reckon with a good academic library, and some of my own qualitative research, I could substantively prove this to be the case. I’ll be arguing some pretty interesting points from education philosophy, sociology and ethics but again, I would probably enjoy that! But, what do you think? I would welcome the views of any readers of this piece on the statement:

Male Primary School teachers have a corporate parenting role to play within the lives of children with absent fathers.

Comments

3 responses to “Fathers? Absent. Teachers? Present.”

  1. Wicked MinL Avatar
    Wicked MinL

    I agree, Dillon. Many of us grew up with almost 100% female primary school teachers. In my case my Infant (as it was back in the olden days) School had an all female staff and Juniors, one man out of 6 teachers plus a male Head, who was quite remote. Interestingly, the male teacher had a smaller class of, what appeared to be, difficult, for whatever reason, pupils. My first encounter with a male teacher was Mr Hjort who came into our all girls high school for odd days to teach, I think, some obscure languages to the 6th form. That changed when, in my third year, we amalgamated with the boys school next door. But, I digress.

    I don’t remember any children from “broken” homes. There was the odd child whose father had died, but the term single parent family was never used. That’s not to say that there weren’t households with domineering or violent fathers, it’s just that I was fortunate that I never came across them. Fast forward to today, domestic violence is constantly in the news and single parent, usually the mother, families are quite the norm. As you well know, male primary teachers are still few and far between but I think many of them, either consciously or not, do provide a male role model for their pupils because they could be the only male presence that some children have in their lives.

    If you’re still considering a Phd, this could definitely be a topic worth exploring.

    Just as an afterthought, you’re doing a pretty good job in providing a role model to your own family, but I’d be having something to say about that if you weren’t.

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  2. David Stainsbury Avatar
    David Stainsbury

    Hi Dillon
    Male primary school teachers clearly have an influential role, what would be interesting is to investigate the role in regards to play. Do absent fathers play with children and does the child receive enough emotional attention from limited opportunities for play and can male primary school teacher play with children or does their role prohibit this?

    Guidance and instruction and supervision and teaching are all overlap areas of a father and a teacher. What are the differences in areas that don’t traditionally overlap?

    Although there must be a number of successful single parents as an IRO I come across the families with safeguarding issues. Anecdotally there are a number of children who are cared for by mothers who are overwhelmed by their role as a single parent and distracted by electronic devices to such an extent that the children are displaying attachment problem behaviours similar to those of having a parent with mental health difficulties. These often middle class mothers do the practical parenting successfully and can be the educator and disciplinarian however they do not meet all of their children’s emotional needs. They don’t play with their children. The playing role seems to be left to the father and if he’s not there who takes on that role?

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  3. Christopher Piddock Avatar
    Christopher Piddock

    I remember you bringing this topic up in a staff meeting for a brief minutes. I agree and disagree with the fact that male teachers have an obligation to parent. 20 years ago I was told by my tutor teacher in my first year that as a teacher you are a parent, councillor, accountant, lawyer, prison guard, protector and many more. What’s changed is the way we live life and priorities. I also have the view In my 15 years of international teaching is parents view international school as a business and money talks. The lack of male parenting is a choice, and the short fall of this is destroying families. Self entitlements and excuses don’t give you that time back with your family. The consequences can be seen everyday.

    I call it the good the bad and the ugly of life’s choice.

    In my experience it’s about getting the balance right as a parent and being there for the child as a male teacher.

    A very interesting discussion, with no real solution.

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